Get a clue
by 711LuvsRanger
Summary: He jumped off a bridge to save her life, but she still doesn't see how much he loves her? She needs to get a clue! So here's a giant sledgehammer of a clue for her... :-) Not mine, making no money (more's the pity!). Spoilers for Takedown Twenty. Rating for language.


_AN: So my muse got hijacked again by another one-shot. Oh well, at least it's not a depressing one this time… ;-)_

 _In Takedown Twenty, Ranger jumps off a bridge into a river to save Steph's life. If ever there was a freakin' screaming, ten-story-tall clue for a woman that this was love, then this was the biggest one I've ever seen. Would Morelli have done the same? Doubtful. But she stays blind and clueless? Seriously, this woman needs a bomb under her ass! So, here's my version of said bomb…_

* * *

 **Get a clue**

STEPHANIE POV

My name is Stephanie Plum and I got thrown off a bridge today.

If you don't believe me, you can ask Ranger Manoso, because my own personal Batman superhero dove off the bridge after me and saved me in the river. Yes, honestly, he did exactly that. I was totally and completely freaked about it. I had gone home, sobbed for an hour, and had a shower.

Then my sometimes _boyfriend_ , Joe Morelli, had come around, given me a token hug and asked 'are you OK?' (stupid question right?) and then left after he got a convenient text paging him 'from work'.

I had slept for a couple of hours, before Ranger turned back up to check on me. He had offered for to move into his secure apartment at Rangeman _again_. I had been incredibly tempted. I can't describe how completely freaked out I truly was. I couldn't take much more of this, and I was seriously scared that Uncle Sunny's goons were gonna come after me again. But I knew moving into Ranger's apartment would cause Joe to go bat-shit ballistic, so I turned him down like a good girl.

It occurred to me that Joe hadn't suggested I move into _his_ house. Maybe it was his turn to babysit Uncle Sunny since he had moved out of Joe's mother's house. As a cop, Joe would never admit to harboring a fugitive or sabotaging my efforts to find his godfather, but I wasn't kidding myself here.

I desperately wanted some happy food, and for me today that meant a Pino's sub. But I was freaked at going out in the Burg on my own. There was no way Ranger would approve for me to go into the heart of the Burg with Sunny's goons on the rampage, but I was desperate here. I dug through my wardrobe until I found a nondescript grey hoodie and some baggy jeans that were a size larger that I was currently (yay me!). I braided my hair and put on some goth-like eyeliner and a black lipstick that I'd bought last Halloween. I added black cat boots, sunglasses, pulled up the hoodie and slunk out of my apartment.

Ranger's men had returned my car to the lot, but I wasn't ready to trust it yet. I circled the block on foot, checking out all the cars I could see. I didn't see anyone suspicious, or at least no more suspicious than usual. So I jumped into my car and took off for Pino's. I parked a block away, and repeated my slink-routine to check everything out and eventually I ducked into Pino's. I was a little ahead of the usual evening rush, so I was able to grab a booth at the back with no problem. I pulled off the glasses, but kept the hoodie up and sat with my back to the wall and my face in shadow. I ordered my sub and waited anxiously.

From my position I was keeping watch on the door, and I checked out everyone who was coming and going. I looked up as the door opened again and in walked Joe, with Carl Costanza and Big Dog. _Shit_. And BTW, I _knew_ that 'work page' had been bullshit.

They took the next booth, with Joe's back (thankfully) to me. I surreptitiously slid my sunglasses back on my face and eased further down in my seat, trying not to attract any attention. Thankfully, the three men seemed to be in the middle of a conversation they had started before coming into the restaurant and paid me no mind.

Joe said, "I'm telling you no. No way, not happening."

"Bullshit! Not buying it. Gotta be," replied Big Dog.

Joe shook his head again, "I'm telling you no."

"Man, Dog's got a point," Carl added. "He jumped off a fuckin' bridge for her. Then there's all the cars he gives her, and the way he pants after her. He's all over her. _No man_ does shit like that, let alone jump off a bridge, if he's not hittin' it. Gotta be." _Wait. Are they talking about Ranger and me?_

"Yeah," Big Dog repeated, "No bitch is worth the shit she causes if he's not gettin' his end in for it. After all, you should know. And you're kidding yourself if you think otherwise." I was frozen, unable to move listening to this.

"And I'm telling you no. It's not happening. 100% certain." Morelli sounded amused, but supremely confident. I could see Carl and Big Dogs' expressions and they still looked skeptical.

"What makes you so sure?" Carl asked.

"Because it's Stephanie. I'm totally sure." They made dissenting noises. "Look, I'm not saying Manoso's not panting after her, and I'm not saying he doesn't want to hit that, because he totally does. And I _used to_ worry he was a threat, but not anymore. What I'm saying is that I know it's not happening, because I know _Stephanie_ won't let it happen."

"Why?"

Morelli sighed. "Look, Cupcake was raised by that complete bitch of a Burg mom who laid on the Catholic guilt so thick you couldn't shift it with a shovel. And then she marries that Dickhead who cheats on her in their own house so he can get busted on the dining table! Fucking amateur, you never bring 'em into your own house, everyone knows that. So, Cupcake's got a thing about cheating and guilt a mile thick."

Morelli paused in his story while the waiter brought their beers and took their orders. _Working. Right._

He continued, "So Manoso's been all over her for three years, but getting nothing. I mean I even told her I thought we should _see other people_ for crissake." _Obviously he doesn't know about 'The Deal'. Or the Vordo._ "Then he and Cupcake end up in Hawaii chasing a skip, and I guess he finally wears her down, because I turn up to find her shacked up in a resort with him. I beat the crap out of him, and Cupcake runs home, tail between her legs."

Big Dog snorted, " _You_ beat the crap outta _Manoso_. Right. Pull the other one." I caught myself about to nod in agreement.

Morelli shrugged, "Believe what you want. I'm just telling you what happened."

Carl chimed in, "Even if that's true, it just means he's more likely to be hittin' it now."

Morelli said, "You're not getting it. She comes home, drowning in guilt over cheating on me and Manoso's sulking back in his fortress. So I lay it on thick for a while about how I can't trust her, she's a cheating ho, yadda, yadda, until she crawls back and promises she'll never do it again. And she won't. Because she's too wrapped up in guilt and shame over the last time. So no matter what Manoso lays on her, she's gonna be faithful to me."

Morelli took a pull on his beer. "And that's not even the best bit. After a while I realized I got the best of everything in this deal." _What?!_

"Wadda ya mean?" Big Dog inquired.

"Well, think about it," he went on smugly. "I get the sex on tap when I want it. I get the faithful girl waiting in the wings no matter what I do, all because she's not gonna cheat again. And I don't have to do anything for it. Pizza once in a while is about all it takes with Cupcake. No dates, no flowers, no ring, no wedding, no nothing, just sex on tap with my _girlfriend_. Meanwhile, Manoso runs around cleaning up her crap, buying her shit, protecting her from the psychos, jumping off bridges, even giving her _jobs_ when she's desperate. Plus he helps her solve her cases, which half the time means she's feeding _me_ information. And all for nothing for him, because she's not giving it up. So he gets the shit, and I get the cream. It's priceless, total win-win for me. Even more so because it's _Manoso_. I think it's fucking hilarious."

The three men were silent for a couple of minutes, before Carl spoke in awe. "Wow, man I never realized. Props dude, that's fucking amazing."

Suddenly I couldn't take any more. I stood up out of my booth, pulled off the sunglasses, pushed back the hoodie and walked over to their table. They looked up at my approach and their faces went slack in shock.

I walked up to the table and leaned my hands on it, as I spoke loudly and clearly to Morelli knowing everyone in the restaurant would hear me and report every word to the Burg grapevine, "Yeah, _props man_. That's _so fucking amazing_ how a loyal, brave man will jump off bridges to save my life, but you're the one who gets to fuck me whenever you feel like it. That _so fucking amazing_ how you know I'll be faithful while you can fuck whoever you want, whenever you want. That _so fucking amazing_ how you get to take advantage of our 'open relationship' while you make me feel guilty about spending time with Ranger as a friend, and laugh as he cleans up my shit. That _so fucking amazing_ how I feed you information from Ranger to solve your police cases but you don't even have to acknowledge it. It's all just _SO FUCKING AMAZING TO BE YOU!_ " I screamed at him.

"Well Joe, the only thing that's _NOT fucking amazing_ is that you no longer get the cream while he gets the shit. Because the _stupid fucking cow just got a clue_."

Then I stood up, reached over and punched him as hard as I could on his nose, feeling the satisfying 'crunch' as it broke, and seeing the blood spurt out onto his shirt and the table in front of him. I turned on my heel, and walked out of the restaurant, not even caring that I hadn't eaten my sub.

…OOO…

I drove home with the rage and adrenaline the only things keeping me going. I stomped up the stairs to my apartment, too enraged to wait for the elevator. I just _dared_ Sunny's goons to come after me now. _I'd kick their fucking asses_. The rage sustained me until I got into my apartment and locked my door. Then it drained out of me and left me standing limp and dumbfounded, leaning against the wall. I walked into the bedroom and flopped onto my bed, in my 'thinking position'.

I couldn't _believe_ the last hour of my life. I couldn't believe _him_! Maybe this would be enough to convince my mother that marriage to Morelli was out of the question. I had no doubt my phone would start to ring very soon. I was shocked that it hadn't already started. I thought about that for a second, before I realized I had turned it off after I started getting the calls about the bridge episode.

Was it really just a few hours ago I got kidnapped and thrown off a bridge? God my life was a perpetual nightmare. And now _this_. I lay trying not to think for a few seconds, before a snippet of the conversation I'd overheard echoed in my tired brain. _"No man does shit like that, let alone jump off a bridge, if he's not hittin' it."_ Ranger wasn't getting anything from me, other than my fairly worthless friendship. He always said there was 'no price' but clearly the tab was heavily weighted in my favor. Ranger wasn't getting anything from me. So why _did_ Ranger do all that shit for me? Why _did_ Ranger jump off a bridge to save my life?

 _Oh shit!_ The answer was so crystal clear, it was obvious to anyone who looked. He did it because he loved me. _He did it because he was in love with me._ No matter what he said about relationships, no matter how he said he loved me 'in his own way', his actions were crystal clear. They were the actions of a man who loved me. Completely. The actions of a man who loved me as much as I loved him.

 _So what was I going to do about it?_ The million-dollar question. Well, obviously I could continue to live in denial land and lie here and sulk about _Morelli-the-fucking-asshole_. Or I could grow up, pull up my big-girl panties, give Morelli the giant 'fuck you' and go see the man who loved me unconditionally, loved me for exactly who I am. The man who less than two hours ago, offered to take me home with him. _Again._

Without any further hesitation, I stood and walked into the bathroom. I washed the Goth makeup off my face and unbraided my hair. I used my styling products to style my hair into soft curls, and smoothed on minimal makeup and lip gloss. I then grabbed my makeup and hair products and walked back out into my bedroom and shoved the toiletries into my purse. I packed a pair of jeans, a variety of shirts, a pretty skirt and two different LBDs into a duffle bag. I added lingerie and a pair of trainers, plus a pair of black FMPs. I stripped off the baggy clothes, and pulled on tight jeans and a pretty lavender shirt that complemented my eyes. I put on some strappy purple sandals with three-inch wedge heels and picked up my purse and the duffle.

Out in the kitchen, I grabbed the bag of Rex's hamster crunchies, and the small bag of baby carrots I kept in the fridge for him. I shoved them into the top of the duffle, then picked up Rex's cage and my bags and keys. I walked down to my car, still riding the certainty of what I was about to do. I barely thought about Sunny's goons, but took the time to be aware of my surroundings when I stepped out of the foyer and walked to my car. I loaded my bags in the back seat, and strapped Rex's cage into the passenger seat. Then I locked my doors and headed off to Haywood.

 _Look out Batman. Here I come._

RANGER POV

I watched Babe's POS car pull into the carpark and she got out and waved at the camera in the corner. I smiled, knowing the men on monitors always got a little smile when she waved at them, it was just one of her many charming habits. I was a little shocked that she was here. I had heard and seen the blow-up at Pino's, the Burg had exploded and it had been loaded onto YouTube within seconds. The whole of Trenton had seen _Bombshell explodes on Trenton cop_. I wouldn't be surprised if it started trending worldwide within an hour. A lot of the comments seemed to be focussing on that strange makeup she was wearing. I was glad to see she looked completely normal now.

But I hadn't really expected her to come. I knew when I offered her to stay at my apartment, the main reason she hadn't accepted had been the cop. But I expected that after the blow-up she would hide at home, or go and be harangued by her mother.

I was further shocked when she walked around her car and pulled a duffle bag out of the back seat, then reached into the front passenger seat and pulled out the rat. Babe had come packed to stay. A slow, satisfied smiled grew on my face. This was my opportunity, and I wasn't going to blow it this time.

She fobbed her way into the elevator, and pressed seven. I typed the commands into the system to override the elevator to stop on five, then walked out to wait at the door. It slid open and Babe's eyes widened as I gave her an enigmatic look and stepped into the elevator. I took the duffle out of her hand, and fobbed the button again for seven. We rode up in silence.

We entered my apartment and I put the duffle down and watched as she put the rat's cage on my kitchen counter with a secret smile of satisfaction. She turned to look at me, and I quirked my eyebrow at her enquiringly.

STEPHANIE POV

 _OK Steph. Time to be brave. Time to woman-up here._

"I… Ranger I…"

He smiled at me and picked up my hand to examine the reddened and bruised knuckles. He pressed a gentle kiss on them. "Babe that was some punch. I couldn't have done it better myself. Congratulations."

I blushed, realising he had already seen what happened. Obviously someone had filmed it and posted it all over the internet. Big surprise. My mother was going to be in an alcoholic coma and ironing the toilet paper. _Time to lay it all out on the line._

"So, Morelli-the-fucking-asshole made me realise I had been hiding from my relationship with you – and _yes_ Ranger, what we have is a relationship whether you want to call it that or not. So I was using Morelli to hide from my relationship with you, because it felt safer and less risky than owning up to what I feel. But I'm done with that now. I don't care if your life doesn't lend itself to a relationship. I don't care if your love only comes with a condom. I don't care if you love me in your own way, because your way is a fucking awesome way to be loved!"

Ranger seemed to be dumbstruck at my speech, so I took a deep breath and ploughed on. "Anyone who will jump off a bridge to save your life is worth the risk of a relationship, not matter what that looks like. Because no matter what you say, it means love, in every way you can love me. _And I love you too_. In _my_ own way, in _every way I can_."

Ranger blinked at that, but I continued, needing to get this all out before he interrupted. "I was a complete idiot, a total moron, to go back to Morelli after we slept together the first time. No matter what you told me to do. I did it because he was a safe option, where you were totally scary. But that's no excuse. I was an idiot. And I was an even worse idiot to _keep_ going back to him. Especially after Hawaii. I can only beg on bended knee for you to forgive me for that. Especially since it gave Morelli-the-fucking-asshole carte blanche to guilt me and use me and cheat on me because I was drowning in guilt and shame for the way I treated you both."

I took another deep breath, "But Ranger understand this. This time, I'm done being an idiot. I'm done hiding. And I'm totally, completely, _100% done_ with Morelli-the-fucking-asshole. No matter what roadblocks you try to throw up in our relationship, I'm done running away. No matter how scared you are to have a relationship with me, I'm sticking around this time. I'm staying with you. And whatever you want our relationship to be, however you want it go, _I'm going to stay with you and figure it out_."

I stopped and looked at his characteristic blank face.

RANGER POV

I was completely dumbfounded as she explained what she had come to realise about us. I was glad there were no cameras in my apartment, as my men would have given me so much shit if they had seen my gobsmacked expression as Babe laid out her understanding and her plans.

Finally I managed to pull it together, long enough to say, "Well, OK then."

"Seriously? OK then? That's all you're gonna say?"

"Babe." She sighed in obvious frustration. "Babe, do you need to feed Rex?"

"Why? What do you mean?"

"Well, I seriously doubt you're going to be able to move in the morning Babe. I just thought you might want to feed Rex now, while you can."

She smiled slowly, as my meaning dawned on her. "Why won't I be able to move, Batman?"

"Babe. _We're gonna do this, and it's gonna be_ _good_."

* * *

 _AN: Hah! That was fun. Hope you enjoyed it. Please tell me!_


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